she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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