I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
