Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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