another moral hangover. fuck.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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