the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
