I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
