I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
try to milk me bitch
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