nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
