Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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