Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
