Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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