I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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