i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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