I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
