I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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