I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
