2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
