Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
