So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
