Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
