do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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