New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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