Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize