Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
