so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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