splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize