No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
