I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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