we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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