I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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