I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
