Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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