My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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