it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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