I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
