There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
