There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were trust falling into bushes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
