I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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