Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
