The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize