It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
