I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
