oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
