Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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