the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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