You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize