I am in a vortex of obligation.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's great music for shaving your balls
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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