actually, I'm a sock model
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
