Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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