Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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