great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
