Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
