oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
