My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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