We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
