theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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