when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
