We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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