Sry I called you an 8
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
