after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
