Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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