I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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