2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
