Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
