I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize