I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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