i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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