so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
