I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
