Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's like a pop up book from hell.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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