Dual....:-)
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
