its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
