Having a random hookup so left but love u
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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