I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
