I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
