my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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