I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My underwear smells like fireworks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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