oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
