Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
