his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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