i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize