whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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