You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
