If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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