I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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