So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
