I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
