just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
