Four minutes until I can fart!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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