Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
