return my video game
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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