i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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