so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
