just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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