the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a search helicopter?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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