Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
